Enjoy The Ride

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I’ve decided that 30 is the new 20. I’ll be 28 years old in 2 months and I still feel like a kid. From what I’ve heard, this feeling lessens a little as we age, but never really goes away. That’s a good thing because no one wants to feel old and decrepit on top of being old and decrepit. No one wants to feel useless.

Which direction?
Perhaps, in my case, I still feel like a youngin’ because I’m not sure what I’m doing with my life. I have no direction at the moment which is a little scary, but liberating at the same time. It means I can do anything I want. I just need to decide what it is that I want. That’s the hard part.

Bipolar much?
It seems like I’ve had so many wants and I’m always changing my mind. I’ve wanted to be an actor, a massage therapist, a writer, and now I’ve taken up sewing classes so I can learn to make my own clothes. Sometimes I feel like a crazy person, hopping around from whim to whim, but I’m being guided by my heart and I don’t know where it’ll take me.

Curiouser and curiouser
Life can be a lot like Alice in Wonderland for people who don’t have a plan. We are all taught to go through life on a straight path, but maybe it’s not supposed to be like that for everyone. Maybe the road is supposed to be bumpy and windy, and have twists and turns. And even if you make plans they probably won’t turn out the way you thought they would. It’s probably best to just enjoy the ride because certain things are out of our control.

Tick fucking tock
As for getting older, there is a lot of pressure from society to have certain things accomplished by the time you are 30, 40, 50, etc. Gotta be married, have kids, have the perfect career kinda thing. The clock is ticking. Oh, is the clock ticking, is it? Well, fuck the clock! I’d really rather not be told what to do so I think I’ll just wing it. In a sense, I need to put my foot down and go back to being a stubborn little boy. A stubborn little curly haired boy.

The plan
I’ll just continue to change my hair when I feel like it, continue keeping my eyes open for that special someone, and continue changing career prospects when the last one gets old. I can make up my own rules, right?

So what’s the plan? To just sit back and put my feet up. New opportunities are always being thrown at us. We just have to choose which we like and which we don’t like. What comes after that really isn’t up to us.

That LA Life

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LA is dead.
Where is that California sun?
Where is the carefree, laid back, sunny, easy, breezy, beautiful life that I was promised?
Nothing is promised.
Nothing is guaranteed.
Nothing is as advertised.
Advertised.
All Day I Dream About Someone’s advertisement
Billboards, posters, and signs all telling me what to want, what to think, what to do
Advertisements whispering to me
Subtly telling me the things I need to change about myself
Advertisements asking me to join their cause for this and join their fight for that
All wanting something from me
But I want some things too
I do want to buy your ice cream sometimes
I do want to wear your clothes sometimes
I want to agree with you sometimes
I want to feel your hand against mine
I want you to kiss me
I want you to want my body
And I want you to look at me…sometimes

LA is withering.
A brown haze shields the city from the real world
A thin film covers buildings, roads, street signs, even people
And it’s not just dirt
It’s a kind of unspoken blanket
A security blanket that ensures this city, and it’s inhabitants, never reaches its full potential
It keeps it from becoming great or nifty or even amusing

LA is a ghost town.
There are so many people, but no one knows each other…or wants to
It is a town and an age of indifference
You could walk past your own neighbor on the street and never even realize it
Those film covered buildings are remnants of a world that doesn’t exist anymore
A world where people lived and danced and got to know each other because they had no other choice
A world full of theaters, and speakeasies, and writers, and singers, and actors who wanted to entertain you instead of a world of meth, and pretend beggars, and radio charts, and iPhones, and crowded living rooms where nothing is really said and television sets that don’t really show you anything and people longing to be famous for the sake of being famous

LA is Oz.
A glistening, glamorous wizard distracting you from its flaws
It’s a city with a Ted Bundy smile
It’s good looks and charms have the power to ruin you if you let it
Just ditch the sunglasses and your eyesight will improve

But this is just an opinion from just one person
A person who has been in this city for probably too long or perhaps not long enough
Maybe your city isn’t unlike mine
Or maybe your room has a view of a city worth seeing
A city full of life and character or at least a decent subway system
As for LA, I’m not about that life these days

It’s Not About Measles

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Vaccine: A biological preparation that provides active acquired immunity to a particular disease.

Vaccines are supposed to protect us. They are supposed to keep the germs and diseases away from us and our children. So then why would anyone out there refuse these magic bullets? Because some people have done their research.

Because I said so
We’ve been told that vaccines prevent certain illnesses and that they are needed in order for us all to develop immunity to disease. If doctors are telling us that these injections are needed, then we should listen to them, right? We should listen to them simply because they are doctors and they know best, right?

Many concerned parents do not subscribe to this way of thinking. They have been called the anti-vax parents. They believe it is their right to not vaccinate their children if they so choose. That’s the key word: choice. It is a choice.

What’s the f$&@ing problem?!
Anti-vaxxers have been ridiculed and scolded for their decision not to vaccinate. They’ve been called irresponsible and reckless for exposing other children to their own unvaccinated offspring. But why are they making such a fuss to begin with? Are they just stubborn? Ignorant? Are they all just anti-government kooks spouting incessant nonsense? Umm…no.

The Facts
Anti-vaxxers believe they are doing what is right for their children. They have done their research and have found several questionable ingredients in our precious vaccines. On the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website cdc.gov, it lists ingredients commonly used in vaccinations such as formaldehyde, which is a chemical used in home building products. It is also found in embalming fluid, which is used to preserve dead bodies.

Another vaccine ingredient is Thimerasol. This is a mercury-containing preservative. Umm…enough said. Mercury?! Why is there mercury being injected into our bodies?!
The CDC claims it is used as a preservative to prevent certain bacteria growth and it has been removed from most vaccines except certain influenza vaccines and even then, it is only used in trace amounts.
How about we use it in no amounts!

Parents are concerned that vaccine ingredients such as these are potentially harmful to them and their children. Some even go as far as to say that vaccines cause birth defects, Autism, and SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). I don’t know if vaccines cause these problems and the medical industry claims that there is no link between the two, but why put these chemicals into our bodies at all?

Choices
Yes I’m sure these chemicals have their uses and doctors have their reasons for adding them to our vaccines, but isn’t it better safe than sorry? If I had to choose between having formaldehyde, mercury, and blood from a cow fetus being put into my body or nothing, I would choose nothing. And that is what these parents are choosing to do because they have a choice.

Many of these rebellious parents are being pressured by the medical industry to either vaccinate their children or they will be taken off doctor’s lists and refused care. They are being barred from certain schools unless they vaccinate their children.

The latest Disneyland incident involving Measles is just a symptom of what is really wrong with this system. It is being made to seem that if you don’t vaccinate your kid then they will automatically get sick with the Measles or some other disease and they will infect every other child too. This is ludicrous!

It’s supposed to be a choice and people shouldn’t be condemned for choosing not to put potentially harmful chemicals, no matter how small the amount, into their bodies or the bodies of their children.

It’s about authority
These people are being reprimanded for having questions. How dare they?! How dare they want the best for their children! How dare they challenge authority in any way!

And that’s what this is really about. Authority. If people start to question and challenge authority, then authority begins to lose its power. The medical industry begins to lose its power. And those guys are supposed to be right about everything. They are supposed to have our best interest at heart. They are supposed to tell us the truth. But what if the truth is they don’t know everything? What if they don’t know what is best for each and every individual person?

What is right for you?
I won’t say that the medical industry is evil and out to get everyone, but I will ask you to not be afraid to question them. Doctors know a lot, but I will ask you to always look for alternatives if something doesn’t sit well with you. And I will ask you to always do what is right for you, whatever that may be.

Facts are important, but it’s even more important that you have all of the facts. And remember, we were given intuition for a reason. If we weren’t meant to think for ourselves we wouldn’t have the ability to begin with.

The facts are out there. We just have to decide whether we want to know about them or not.

Resolutionize A New Year

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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I want out of life. It’s a new year which usually causes people to re-evaluate their lives. We look back at our previous year and frown at all the things we didn’t accomplish. We worry that yet another year has gone by without us ever really noticing it. There are still so many things we want to do, but haven’t gotten around to yet. A new year seems like the perfect remedy for that. It’s a chance to start all over again. A chance to wipe clean everything that was wrong with yesterday so that today is all shiny and new and “fresh with no mistakes in it”.

The way we were
Technically, we can do this at any moment in our lives, but New Years always seems like a good excuse to change and improve ourselves. It’s exciting because everyone seems to be doing it at the same time. There’s an energy in the air full of resolutions and hope. People everywhere begin to believe they can make their dreams come true, even if only for a moment. That’s important. It’s also important to remember that we don’t really need to know what’s going to happen next for us.

Something blissful this way comes
In a weird way I’ve always known what I wanted to do with my life. My wants have changed several times, but I always had some sort of plan to get where I wanted to go. First I wanted to be an artist, then an actor, then I was sure I was going to be a writer. Now I have no idea what I want. This made me feel lost for awhile and terrified that I didn’t have a plan. I felt like a failure and that I was letting people and myself down. But now I realize that I don’t need to know what my next chapter will be. I never could have predicted the things that happened to me last year. I met my half sister for the first time. She moved in with me and now I’ll know her for the rest of my life. I went to Chicago for the first time and got to see Lady Gaga in concert. And I started this blog. This little blog that came to me one day because I needed an outlet, a way of expressing myself to the world.

There’s no way I could’ve predicted any of those things would happen and I won’t be able to predict what’s in store for me this upcoming year. But that’s okay. I don’t want to know. That’s part of the adventure, the fun. It’ll be a bit scary at times of course. We’re taught to plan and make goals, but sometimes it’s better to just let life introduce itself to you.

Let’s Resolutionize
I don’t know about you, but I’m going to try my darnedest to relax and just float my way through this year. As long as I can make rent, put food on my table, am in reasonably good health, and have people who care about me I think I’ll be just fine. Those are all the tools I need. The rest of my life will slowly introduce itself to me and being the polite little boy that I am, I’ll just have to introduce myself to it too.

Enjoy the beginning of your New Year, New Life, New Adventure.

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NEWS!

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I’ve been writing for a gay male massage website (massagem4m.com) for a couple months and my first gay massage experience story has finally been published on the site. Check it out, but beware it gets a little steamy:

WARNING! GRAPHIC MATERIAL! #blog #gay #massage

Click on link below:
http://www.massagem4m.com/My-First-Gay-Massage/

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Is Social Media Ruining Our Lives?

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A girl I am friends with on Facebook recently announced that she has made the decision to delete the Facebook app and forego social media altogether. She claims “We spend so much time worrying about other people that we don’t take time to really improve on ourselves” so she’s decided to go and find the “real” her. Here is her announcement:

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She’s certainly not the first person to take such a drastic action. Many people have deleted their accounts. I myself have often toyed with the idea of cutting social media out of my life, then had a panic attack so I quickly changed my mind.

Many have never even had social media accounts to begin with and are the happier for it. So the question is: Would our lives really benefit from deleting Facebook and social media for good?

Does Facebook lead to unhappiness?
Studies show that people check their Facebook accounts an average of 14 times a day. That’s an awful lot of time being spent looking at other people’s lives instead of living our own. There are so many other activities we could be doing, but instead we are choosing to compare our lives to others all day. We’ve become such a voyeuristic society, watching what other people do instead of taking time to improve our own lives. We spend hours reading negative comments which then makes us feel bad. And we seem to be permanently glued to our devices like drug addicts, causing us to lose sleep, which can lead to memory loss.

We see things on Facebook and instagram that other people have and we wish we had it too. We see people who seem to be living perfect lives and have perfect relationships and we begin to get thirsty for everything they have. This envy leads to drama, and drama leads to depression, and depression leads to… the dark side. But is social media really to blame?

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We have a choice
No one is forcing us to check our social networks as often as we do or even at all. We have always had a choice. But it doesn’t have to be between using social media and not using social media. It doesn’t have to be between a good option and a bad option. Most things in this world are neither good or bad; they just are. And social media is no exception. It is nothing more than a tool. Whether it’s a useful tool or a hinderance is up to you.

When I’m already feeling low and insecure, I can always count on Facebook and instagram to make me feel even worse. I am reminded of the relationship I’m not in, of the hard washboard abs I don’t have, and the expensive schools I didn’t go to. But this isn’t social media’s fault. This is something only I can mend.

For every person having a negative response to social media, there is someone having a positive one. Instead, they are finding things to laugh about. They are being inspired by quotes posted or being happy for others’ successes. It’s all how you decide to look at things.

Get some perspective
So take a moment to see what your situation is like. Do you find yourself being more excited and inspired the more you use social media or more depressed?

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Maybe taking a social media vacation is the answer for you. It’s easy to blame Facebook, or technology, or other people. But nothing really has meaning unless we give it meaning. So why not give it a positive one?

Choose to appreciate the positive aspects of social media. And if you just can’t, then take break until you can. Choose to use the social network in moderation. Learn to see it as a tool instead of the enemy.

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Because technology and social media are here to stay and will be a part of our lives in some form or another. So we might as well all get along.