I’ve decided that 30 is the new 20. I’ll be 28 years old in 2 months and I still feel like a kid. From what I’ve heard, this feeling lessens a little as we age, but never really goes away. That’s a good thing because no one wants to feel old and decrepit on top of being old and decrepit. No one wants to feel useless.
Perhaps, in my case, I still feel like a youngin’ because I’m not sure what I’m doing with my life. I have no direction at the moment which is a little scary, but liberating at the same time. It means I can do anything I want. I just need to decide what it is that I want. That’s the hard part.
It seems like I’ve had so many wants and I’m always changing my mind. I’ve wanted to be an actor, a massage therapist, a writer, and now I’ve taken up sewing classes so I can learn to make my own clothes. Sometimes I feel like a crazy person, hopping around from whim to whim, but I’m being guided by my heart and I don’t know where it’ll take me.
Curiouser and curiouser
Life can be a lot like Alice in Wonderland for people who don’t have a plan. We are all taught to go through life on a straight path, but maybe it’s not supposed to be like that for everyone. Maybe the road is supposed to be bumpy and windy, and have twists and turns. And even if you make plans they probably won’t turn out the way you thought they would. It’s probably best to just enjoy the ride because certain things are out of our control.
Tick fucking tock
As for getting older, there is a lot of pressure from society to have certain things accomplished by the time you are 30, 40, 50, etc. Gotta be married, have kids, have the perfect career kinda thing. The clock is ticking. Oh, is the clock ticking, is it? Well, fuck the clock! I’d really rather not be told what to do so I think I’ll just wing it. In a sense, I need to put my foot down and go back to being a stubborn little boy. A stubborn little curly haired boy.
I’ll just continue to change my hair when I feel like it, continue keeping my eyes open for that special someone, and continue changing career prospects when the last one gets old. I can make up my own rules, right?
So what’s the plan? To just sit back and put my feet up. New opportunities are always being thrown at us. We just have to choose which we like and which we don’t like. What comes after that really isn’t up to us.